"Helping people who help people"

Finding your online voice

You’d think since I teach this stuff, have filled up this blog pretty quickly with a lot of posts, have many blogs and websites with probably 2,000 or so pages…. well, you’d think I had my voice.  My wedding website blog has always been frustrating for me and I still don’t have my voice.  Our entire goal is not to be preachy (a HUGE problem with people who work with engaged couples.)  But what do I talk about?  I have no time nor interest in finding all the latest wedding stuff and being a ‘wedding blog.’  There is only SO much you can really say about marriage prep. So… ?

It’s been a few years and I’m finally coming to realize the best voice may be MINE.  (Duh, right?)

By my voice I mean to go back to the roots.  Why did my father and I start The First Dance?  What still makes us groan?  What frustrates us?  What gets us riled up?  Those are topics to talk about.  And when I realize it’s less about the engagement, but more about our views of marriage, then it seems less limiting.  All the sudden I can share my nuance, the conversations and perspectives of my husband that have been extremely useful to understand relationships and men.  (And I don’t mean the Men Venus/Mars stuff.)

It’s weird how many people may read the blog, including a journalist who actually read and wrote about the blog in her newspaper article.  I felt complimented but like a fraud.  So I can crack out a few funny blog posts.  But where’s the beef?

I have two very different blog posts in mind for that blog, when I have time (January perhaps.)  One of them will be the rarely discussed topic of passing gas.  It has a lot to do with marriage, how you were raised, whether it’s more or less intimate to “fully be yourself” or whether there are things better left out of the intimacy!   The other will be written by me (very carefully), with a review from my husband (I better do a good job!) and then we will post one of our Fights With No Resolution.  It is a rarely fight that he could not remotely find empathy for my side, and the one fight that we never got resolution because our firstborn baby decided to come two weeks early – making the topic of the fight  a nonissue.  My goal on that blog post is going to show how COMPLICATED marriage is.  It isn’t simply “active listening” but a lot of deeper stuff about emotions, sense of security, self-awareness, and more.

I say in my trainings and I”ll repeat it here: if you find or read something you really disagree with, USE that energy to create something better!  I recently read something that I really disagreed with and it has meant that topic is also on my short list of things to deal with on The First Dance.  Just think if you disagree with someone or something, others will as well.  And healthy disagreement is often more educational than either side’s own writing and lessons.


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