Few if any of us get through wedding planning without a SILLY FIGHT. There are real discussions and negotiations to have, but then there are just plain silly fights.
I was remembering the other day one of ours. My husband and I were working through the logistical side of marriage, combining bank accounts, all that “fun stuff”. He wanted to keep his bank account with a different bank company and I wanted my bank and my account. Mind you, this had nothing to do with “my money vs his money.” We both believe that marriage means everything is “ours”, not his or mine. That is at least a viable argument and discussion to have since some couples do feel like it’s best to have his, hers, and ours. Nope, that wasn’t why we were fighting.
He grocery shopped at a place that housed his bank which was one of his big arguments AND he also didn’t mind paying an ATM fee to get cash. The gas station I always went to housed MY bank and I refuse to pay money to get my own money out of my bank account. Ah, the joys of marriage. 🙂
So, not gaining any ground, I went down a bad path… a bad argument that I knew was bad, but I entered it anyway. I tried a trump card that is downright silly. “But, I feel like I’m already losing my identity changing my name, I deserve to at LEAST keep my bank account that I’ve had since I was 10!”
This was silly because I was adamant about changing my name. He was even open to changing his last name (but is the last male with the name and didn’t want to end the family tree.) I wanted family unity with a shared name. So my name change had NOTHING to do with whose bank we use.
It’s also silly to say getting married somehow makes me lose my identity and any internal turmoil I was having should translate into getting what I want – even if what I wanted had no rational basis.
In the end we stayed with my bank but not because I made threats or claimed using his bank would be bad for my personal identity. Those arguments really detracted from the real discussion and took us for an extra “joy ride” of fighting.
Ultimately we are both ATM cash-users, we both get gas at the same gas station company that gets us free ATM use, and we were moving into a house where we wouldn’t be shopping at the grocery store that housed his bank. In the end, knowing that my bank was REALLY important to me, knowing we would save money not paying ATM fees, it was a fairly easy decision… it just wasn’t as important to him and there was no reason to spend more for something less valued.
But there we go. One of many fights. I’ll blog next time about our HORRENDOUS wedding registry experience. It was miserable and a great example of everything we talk about at The First Dance – managing the couple dynamics of wedding planning, of our families, our expectations, and how we view our new lives and the wedding itself.
Share your stories with us of silly wedding fights on our website.