"Helping people who help people"

The First Dance, why our name

I have been smiling every day this week as I notice we have “stalkers” trying to figure out why and how we are ranked #1 for “The first dance” on all search engines. I know this because the URL is a website to find “keywords” for websites that rank higher than you, though for those of you who know anything about websites, keywords are only a small part of the equation of search engine optimization.

In any event, our name is both wonderful and confusing. The wedding world is full of thousands of names with the word “wedding”, “wed” and all sorts of other combinations in them so we knew it would be challenging to use those words. We were talking with a branding expert who was mentioning “the tango” which locally is a dating service I think? And it just struck me like lightening: The First Dance!

My dad, the marriage therapist, loves the name because dancing is THE metaphor for family systems theory – the conceptual understanding behind marriage and family counseling (which got its origins in the 1950’s when treating individuals while ignoring the broader system they’re part of – their family, their marriage, their jobs, their school) showed a weakeness in the treatment of the individual.

Nanny 911 or Super Nanny are a good examples of familiy systems theory. If the nanny were to simply show up, “teach the kids how to behave”, treating them as the sole problem, then when she left the parents would return to their patterns and behaviors as would the kids. The show is about the FAMILY SYSTEM and how everyone interacts with everyone else. Everyone has to get up, move, change and relate to everyone else in a new way.

So it is with dancing. One could argue the climax of the wedding reception is The First Dance. It’s the beginning and the end. It’s the final performance of the couple and yet it’s the beginning of their marriage dance. Once their dance is over, while everyone else is watching, parents and others join in. The imagery is great especially considering the very people who stress you out are the ones you want watching you dance and dancing with you on this momentous moment of the wedding day.

Marriage is all about the dance of life. How you move, how the other moves, how you work together, what happens when you don’t, what happens when you’re not moving to the same beat. Marriage is hard work and we love the wedding trend of The First Dance becoming a way for couples to take dance lessons to learn new skills. It’s a fabulous date night and is one of those few things that requires both of you in wedding planning.

So here is to all of us -married or engaged, to keep on dancing beyond the first dance.

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